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By Felix on
8/8/2011 7:21 PM
August 8, 2011 Whence Commitment?
I recently heard of a little known but interesting 16th century character who knew a thing or two
about human behavior. St. Camillus de Lellis said:
Commitment is doing what you said you would do after the feeling you said it in has
passed.
His words reminded me of a lengthy trail of good intentions I’ve dropped along life's path,
including volunteering to help the homeless, exercising more, getting better organized, and a
batch of other things. If I completed these, I would leave the world in tip-top shape. Here are
some tips for keeping commitments:
● Ask yourself whether or not you really want what you started out to do, and why. Vivid
images of the “why” give you that “whatever it takes” attitude.
● If your project is outside your comfort zone, don’t be surprised if you drag your backside.
Take small steps as you get used to new territory.
● If you are not doing what you said you would do because you don’t feel like it, say that
out loud, or write it very clearly. You may give up your project without guilt, or you may
spring into action.
Felix's new relaxation CD is coming soon!
Preparing for Surgery & Other Procedures
www.felixscardino.com
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By Felix on
8/1/2011 2:45 PM
August 1, 2011 Don’t Stop Believin'
When Jonathan Cain, keyboard player for the rock band Journey was at his lowest, his father’s simple
words sustained him: “Don’t stop believing.”
Most rock music has left me in the dust, but I do recall the strains of Journey’s signature song inspired by
Cain’s father, “Don’t Stop Believin'.” In the world of pop music the song is a national anthem.
The TV program that informed me that it was thirty years old last week, also reported the horrific bombing
and shooting spree in Oslo, Norway, the site of the Nobel Peace Prize. Because good news is always
coincidental with bad news, it’s probably not the first time you’ve wanted to rewrite the song to, “How Do
You Keep Believin'?”
Here are some tips I’ve found helpful:
Frame belief as openness to possibilities, especially those possibilities that our fearful eyes cannot
see.
If current events have thrown you into negative overload, take a “news fast,” a term coined by Dr.
Andrew Weil. When our minds are uncluttered of stress it’s easier for hope to enter.
If you’re stalemated by personal current events, take a similar media break from that broadcaster in your
mind. Better yet, switch the channel to the one that reports in great detail all the reasons you have to
keep on believin'.
Felix's new relaxation CD is coming soon!
Prepare Yourself for Surgery & Other Procedures
www.felixscardino.com
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By Felix on
7/27/2011 6:40 PM
July 27, 2011 Advice from a Star
Our quotation for the week comes from actress Mae West and probably won’t be difficult to remember.
When a man would leave her, she would say, “Next!”
What spunk! But don’t let this bawdy star seduce you into imitating her prematurely. The title of Betty
Rollins' book that helps people deal with cancer is, “First You Cry.” Most sizable losses require that we
respect our feelings before we return to normality. However, peace will finally come only through the
conviction that we have within ourselves the wherewithal to go on.
That’s useful to remember even when dealing with daily losses, such as the computer glitch that
threatens a deadline, the flat tire on the way to a critical meeting, or the gushing water pipe in your attic.
Here are some tips for navigating through loss and eventually to “Next!”
Befriend your feelings: They may not be pleasant but, if you trust them, they can move you to a different
place. Contain them in your journal or in the confidence of a friend.
Focus on what you want: Acknowledging your feelings frees you to make creative choices.
Trust your healing system: Just as your body has a healing system so does your psyche. Trusting it
can move you closer to “Next!”
Felix's new relaxation CD is coming soon!
Prepare Yourself for Surgery & Other Procedures
www.felixscardino.com
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By Felix on
7/18/2011 4:01 PM
July 18, 2011 Creative Incubation
This is an absolute necessity ... You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day,
where you don’t know what was in the newspapers that morning …. you don’t know what
you owe anybody, you don’t know what anybody owes you. This is the place you can
simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be.” ….the place of
creative incubation. -Joseph Campbell
A wise woman once gave me a tool to put what Campbell said into practice. With an arthritic
finger she gestured, “Felix, never forget to draw your golden circle around yourself.” By drawing
that circle we claim the right to be alone without other people, cell phones, iPads, or computers.
When you can’t quite get that circle to close around you, try these tips:
Start Small. If just thinking about an hour alone gives you withdrawal symptoms start with a few
minutes. Incubate.
Remember we’re talking about incubation here, so don’t worry if nothing seems to happen.
Insights and ideas hatch over time.
Let go of doing, relax into listening, and jot some notes to yourself before you return to your active day.
Felix's new relaxation CD is coming soon!
Prepare Yourself for Surgery & Other Procedures
www.felixscardino.com
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By Felix on
7/13/2011 3:56 PM
July 13, 2011 An Efficacious Prescription
Referring to an experiment, an Ohio State University physician, Dr. Larry Dossey, observed:
“Touching, petting, handling, and gentle talking emerged as a crucial determinant in the disease process from which most of us will die: atherosclerosis.”
This is why he said that. During the study rabbits were fed a high cholesterol diet. There was an unexpected outcome when one group of rabbits was found to have 60% less plaque in their coronary arteries than the other rabbits. The only difference in that group of rabbits was that when fed, they were petted, cuddled, and talked to. The study was run three times to rule out coincidence, and each time the researchers got the same result. Dr. Dossey says that it is not reckless to extend that result to humans.
How remarkable! The remedy is non-toxic, free, needs no prescription and you can’t overdose on it. But do we dare use it? While not regulated by the FDA, this “medicine” is rigidly controlled by the PISA, the Play It Safe Administration. That committee inside ourselves says, “Don’t take a risk,” “Hold your cards close,” and “Don’t get involved.” Maybe we do need a prescription. Mine is free and you decide the dosage.
Do take a risk, at least a small one. When hesitant, move in anyway with “How’s it going?” “How about coffee?” or “I’m sorry.”
Fall asleep dreaming of all the things you appreciate about a family member, an employee, or a co-worker. When you wake up, tell them.
For this one I credit a doctor I once heard of who took the above-mentioned research to heart. He prescribed three hugs a day.
Felix's new relaxation CD is coming soon!
Prepare Yourself for Surgery & Other Procedures
www.felixscardino.com
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By Felix on
6/27/2011 3:49 PM
June 27, 2011 A Way to World Peace
I have a theory based on decades of counseling: If everyone in the world would turn to the person next to
him and talk honestly about what he feels, we would instantly have world peace. Longfellow agrees with
me:
“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and
suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”
Our need to put up a good front prevents that disarmament. It takes tremendous emotional and physical
energy to constantly maintain a stellar front. Here are some energy conservation tips:
Empathize - If a family member or friend makes a blunder, instead of preaching, try saying, “I know what
that feels like.”
Share - If you’d rather be boiled in oil than share a negative feeling, start by sharing a small one and let
your experience show you what a relief it can be.
Imagine - In the last chapter of my book, The Pebble and the Canyon, I suggest that you imagine--for a
full day--that there are not as many boundaries or as many secrets as you think. In this imaginative trip,
everyone is aware of his/her common experience. Unburdened of the need to pretend you are something
you are not, you relax into your disarmed natural self. If you stick with the fantasy for a full day, I predict
you will be pleasantly surprised.
Our next Composing Your Life Workshop:
The Jung Center of Houston for six Mondays beginning July 11, 2011
www.felixscardino.com
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By Felix on
6/20/2011 6:08 PM
June 20, 2011
Nothing is more important than to "Know Thyself," but often we’d rather not. The reason is simple--we don’t always shine and sparkle. It is much easier to behold our faults in someone else. I have come to believe beyond doubt that the thing I most hate in another is a tipoff about what lies within me. It is often easy to see how this works in other people, like Woody Allen, who observed:
“Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath, and she’d come in and sink my boats.”
Aptly called “projection,” this principle is a powerful way to learn more about ourselves, if it weren’t so darned embarrassing. Here are a few tips to help you get started:
1. Keep the Gold
When panning for gold, it would be a mistake to toss the contents of the pan based on the first look at that muddy sediment. If you can face without judgment what doesn’t look so good in yourself, in time you may find that you’ve struck it rich.
2. Face your Demons
All of our demons--lack of discipline, irritability, fear, envy--when looked square in the face, can transform into positive qualities.
3. Be the Mirror
When you are driven mad by something that someone else does, say to yourself: “If there is anything in me that that jerk reminds me of, I want to know what it is.” Repeat as needed.
Our next Composing Your Life workshop:
The Jung Center of Houston
Six Mondays beginning July 11, 2011
www.felixscardino.com/workshops
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By Felix on
6/13/2011 6:03 PM
June 13, 2011
We’ve heard it a zillion times, “Don’t try to control what you have no control over; it’ll just make you nutty.” But it’s so hard not to keep worrying, pushing and forcing, knowing full well the odds are against us. I came across a statement by addiction specialist, Terence Gorski, that helps me keep my grubby hands off what I have no control over. He said:
“When you try to control what you are powerless over you lose control over what you can manage.”
You can deepen that advice by approaching the next giant you feel obliged to tackle as you would an oncoming train:
| STOP: |
If you barrel ahead you may get run over. |
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LOOK:
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It’s a locomotive. Do you want to continue to believe the lie that you can stop it? |
| LISTEN: |
Hear a different voice this time-- the one that says it’s okay to stop playing God and relax into the peace of your own limited self. |
Our next Composing Your Life workshop:
The Jung Center of Houston
Six Mondays beginning July 11, 2011
www.felixscardino.com/workshops
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By Felix on
6/6/2011 12:00 AM
June 6, 2011
When did you last say, “Why didn’t I think of that?” According to creativity theorists you might well have thought of it, because the idea may have been perched somewhere in your consciousness, neglected. When we don’t trust what’s inside of us but look too exclusively to others for answers, our creative juices run dry. That’s why novelist and poet George Moore said:
“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”
If you’re hesitant try these tips:
1. While most important projects do take a village, consult yourself before consulting others and see what happens.
2. When approaching a project be aware of the voice inside that says, “I can’t do this,” “It’s too hard,” “It will take too long,” and change it to, “Maybe I can,” “Maybe it will be easier than I think,” or, “Maybe it won’t take so long.”
3. Just do it. Or, if you prefer the opinion of a poet listen to Emerson:
“Do the thing and you will have the power.”
Bon Voyage!
Our next Composing Your Life workshop:
The Jung Center of Houston
Six Mondays beginning July 11, 2011
www.felixscardino.com/Workshops
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By Felix on
5/30/2011 12:00 AM
May 30, 2011
Do you get bent out of shape trying to change people--people like your spouse, child, employee? You can save a ton of emotional and physical energy, while maintaining your health, simply by letting another person take the consequence of his or her own actions. And, when you butt out, the person might just flower beautifully. Mark Twain is quite clear on this:
“If you hold a cat by the tail, you learn things that cannot be learned in any other way.”
Go ahead...grab it by the tail!
Our next Composing Your Life workshop:
The Jung Center of Houston
Six Mondays beginning July 11, 2011
www.felixscardino.com/Workshops
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